Love Revolution

I have been getting really excited lately reading a book called The Love Revolution. I thought I had made the idea up, but then I discovered a CD by Natalie Grant (NOT Nichole Nordeman as I originally thought) and this book by Joyce Meyer by the same name! There actually is a love revolution going on in the world. It is a movement of hearts towards what is right. It is a taking up of arms, putting on love, and acting in love.

I am very passionate about ending abortion, human trafficking, poverty, and other world problems, but I never know what to do to help. My whole life I have made excuses for myself as to why I didn't do something that I should have or to avoid situations where I would be out of my comfort zone. My greatest excuse, my security blanket, was my shyness and tendency to be the quiet one. It was about two months ago when I learned that Mother Teresa had been very shy in her youth, but knew she had to just get over it if she was going to love others. Mother Teresa. I can't tell you how much that little bit of passing information has begun to change my heart. I began reading more about Mother Teresa and learning about her way of life. I found this book about the Love Revolution and am learning how to practice it in my own life. Though I have spent my whole life until now becoming a queen of excuses, I am determined now to learn what it means to really put love in action. I have spent my life waiting for someone to come and lead me, to show me the way, or at least to walk with me. But He already came, more than 2000 years ago.

I will have a lot more to say about this after the holidays, but for now, look at Linus from Charlie Brown as an example. He gave that pitiful little Christmas tree his own security blanket to support it for the decorations that would transform it into a beautifully lit tree: "I never thought it was such a bad little tree. It's not bad at all, really. Maybe it just needs a little love." We all just need a little love.

May your Christmas be merry and bright!

Seek Him First

On my sixteenth birthday, my parents gave me a purity ring. It was a gold band with two gold links on either side connected to a larger silver link, in which is set a tiny diamond. My parents explained to me that the larger middle link represents God, and the two smaller links on either side represent me and my future husband. It symbolizes how God must always be at the center, that our hearts should first draw closer to His, and then through Him, closer to each other. Like that Maya Angelou quote: "A woman's heart should be so hidden in Christ that a man should have to seek Him first to find her." I believe that. And I knew that the message my parents gave me with this ring was so much more than telling me I shouldn't have sex before marriage. To me, it represented letting God be in charge of my whole love story.

When I got to college, I soon found that I was the only single girl among my group of friends, which I admit, I complained about. So when a guy showed interest in me, even though I didn't share the interest, some of my friends encouraged me to just "date him and get over it." I love my friends, but what does that even mean? Date him and get over it? Date a guy you don't care about and stop complaining about being single? I didn't want to have to date someone just because I was tired of being single. So I didn't. But it was then that I unknowingly began to play the game of love. I began to flirt and drink and ignore the growing feelings in my heart that maybe this wasn't the best way.

Even though I never actually had a romantic relationship and only ever went on a few dates, I played my heart out by investing my emotions on the illusions at stake. All my friends who had boyfriends would tell me how lucky I was to be single, to get to do whatever I wanted. They seemed to think it was fun to play the game where the goal is to enjoy the illusion without getting hurt. And sometimes I thought I believed them. I thought I enjoyed playing along, pretending that my heart was not invested too deeply in any one person. But when I could pretend no longer, when the truth shouted at me from the cracks in my aching heart, I knew I had lost. I took off the mask I had been wearing and looked in the mirror, beginning the long process of finding myself again.

I still wonder sometimes "what if" I had just dated one of those guys for the sake of dating someone. People definitely tend to look at me funny when I tell them I'm not into the dating thing and I've never kissed anyone. They ask how I expect to find anyone without dating, and they sometimes seem to think that I think I am better than they are. Of course I am no better than anyone else. I just want more. I want more than an illusion, more than a game, more than an "experiment." I want more than to settle for the first thing that comes along. I want more than to sit and wait for someone to grow up and figure out what's really important. I want to be someone.

The whole reason I began this blog was to recommit myself to trusting God in this way, trusting Him with my whole heart, and with my whole love story. I made that commitment almost eight years ago when I put that purity ring on my finger. I am still single, but I am single with a purpose. I want more for myself than flirting and casually dating, and more than sitting around and waiting for my other glass slipper. I want to become the woman God created me to be.

Winter in the Heart

The snow arrived just on time this year. December 1 brought in a lovely white blanket to cover the dying grass and bare tree branches. I was content to sit inside and watch the flakes fall gently on the dead earth, remembering the less than peaceful feelings I had watching the snow fall last December.

It was this time last year that I was cold inside and out. Memories cracked my icy heart, rather than warmed them. It was the most real pain I had ever felt. Though I was getting on with life and slowly healing, I was sad, and a little bitter in the heartache that came from losing a friend. I wanted to get out of Ohio. I wanted to be finished with school so that I could move somewhere warm and make new friends and be constantly showered with sunshine. I was tired of the constantly changing seasons. There's a saying in Ohio that if you don't like the weather, wait two days and it will change. I was tired of change. I wanted a constant warmth, a constant sunshine even in the coldest times. I told my mom how anxious I was to get out of Ohio and she said, "People who live in places without seasons don't live in reality."

I realize the wisdom in her words now. When fall kills off the beauty and warmth we enjoyed in the summer, the winter winds sweep in clean, white snow to purify the ugliness. That way, when spring comes, the life that blooms and the sun that shines are even more appreciated. The same goes for the seasons of the heart. Though a summer love may burn within us, the autumn winds often carry it away. God then covers our hearts with a cold, pure snow, cleansing the wound. From that wound springs new life. Then comes summer, and autumn, and that biting winter wind....

I am still coming to terms with the reality that most things will always be constantly changing, especially in Ohio. But the two things that I know will never change or even waver are God's love and the love of my family. Even though I don't deserve it, and I act like a grinch sometimes (or lately, most of the time!) they will always love me. It's my Advent resolution to let the Light of Christ come warm and melt my heart, and to let the wacky sunshine of my family's love color my life, no matter what season it is.

The Power of the Pen

When I was in junior high, I took part in a writing competition called Power of the Pen. We would be given writing prompts and have forty minutes to construct and compose a narrative. I loved the rush of thoughts that formed in my mind when I read the prompt, the way they tumbled into place in my mind for a few minutes, then sped down to my hand. Before I knew it, words were flowing out of my pen as it scribbled across the page. I learned a great deal about myself as a writer in those competitions. The first year, I wrote mostly really depressing stories (I think I was under the impression that killing off a character made a story good). The second year, however, I began to write stories born out of my beliefs (usually dealing with pro-life themes). These stories tended to receive much higher marks, not because the judges agreed with me, but because I was doing what I was created to do: allowing God to channel His love and light through my pen. When we order our talents to their original intention of giving God glory, they accomplish a much greater good than when we try to use them for our own glory.

All of this stuff going on with Pope and the Vatican being so misrepresented in the media has really sparked a fire in me. For months I have been trying to figure out how best to use my writing to give glory to God. I wrote a letter to our local paper's editor about the misrepresentation of the Church in its recent articles (Here's a great article that appeared the next day.). As soon as I sent the e-mail, I felt a deeper sense of purpose and a greater love for the Church and the people in it. I didn't care if it was published or ignored. I realized that this came from knowing that I had given a piece of myself, I had shared my voice through my pen to defend the Truth from attack (as much as I could in the allowed 200 words, anyway). By writing the words that God has written on my heart, I have found a way to give myself in love--this is the real power of the pen.

It's love, not politics.

This rare occasion of my even mentioning politics is in light of the Pope's recent comments about condoms. I was more than a little confused when I read in media reports that the Pope said "condom use can be justified in some cases," especially when I learned that this "justification" was made in the case of male prostitutes. Desiring to learn the truth behind these reports, I sought the Pope's exact words and immediately understood when I read:

" There may be a basis in the case of some individuals, as perhaps when a male prostitute uses a condom, where this can be a first step in the direction of a moralization, a first assumption of responsibility on the way toward recovering an awareness that not everything is allowed and that one cannot do whatever one wants. But it is not really the way to deal with the evil of HIV infection. That can really lie only in a humanization of sexuality."

To interpret this quote as saying that "condom use can be justified" would first require one to assume that male prostitution is justified. Anyone who had even the slightest understanding of the Church's teachings would recognize that prostitution is never justified. And yet, the media's irresponsible misreporting of this statement caused the people of the world to wonder with bated breath, "Did hell freeze over? Is the Church finally changing her position to conform with society?" Alas, the flames continue to lick at our feet.

In a shocking turn of events, the media wrongly presented not only one man's words, but also the entire foundation of faith upon which the Catholic Church was built. Let me just let all the moral relativists out there in on a little secret: TRUTH EXISTS AND IT NEVER CHANGES.

What Pope Benedict stated actually has nothing to do with justifying condom use. His comment merely commends (the mindset, NOT the means) that the the use of condoms by male prostitutes suggests a positive attempt to protect the dignity of human life by preventing the spread of AIDS, but it is not the best way. THIS JUST IN: Not having sex with strangers also helps prevent the spread of AIDS.

I admit that I find it humorous when the media makes such a huge deal about the Pope's statements. If they disagree so strongly with what he says, why don't they just ignore him...? They seem to forget that the Church is NOT a political machine that seeks to destroy our Western society's "values." Rather, it is a universal body founded in truth and love, seeking the transformation of human hearts in order to bring about peace and allow each individual to live life to the fullest with his or her dignity intact.

There is so much I would like to say about all this, but I want to keep this a simple clarification and friendly reminder to the world that the Church stands for love and truth, not a flip-flopping political agenda. For those who are with me, I encourage you to take a stand and join me in support of our Holy Father, Pope Benedict XVI, our fearless leader, the German Shepherd.

You Are More

Tenth Avenue North - You Are More from Provident Label Group on Vimeo.

This is a great song by a great group and I had to share it here.

I attended the Tenth Avenue North concert back in September and wrote a little bit about it, but since then I have been listening to both their albums, Over and Underneath and The Light Meets the Dark, constantly. Their songs contain so much truth, beauty, freedom and love in their powerful lyrics. Many of the songs are prayers in themselves! I especially love that the songs encourage listeners to be honest, honest with themselves and with God. They offer clear reminders that we have already been saved by God's love, and that nothing can satisfy us except God's love. As in "By Your Side," the singer sings from God's perspective: "Why are you looking for love?/Why are you still searching, as if I'm not enough?" He is love. He is enough. This song, "You Are More," reminds us that God's love has made us a new creation. His love for us has already defeated the sin and lies that haunt us. He is the light that meets the darkness of our souls. It is up to us to keep our eyes on His light, to tune out the distractions of the world, and to let Him lead us to love.

Perhaps the most beautiful song ever (and the number one song in my iTunes library), "Beloved," reads like a love letter from Christ:

Love of my life

Look deep in my eyes

There you will find what you need.

Give me your life

The lust and the lies

And the past you're afraid I might see

You've been running away from me.

You're my beloved lover

I'm yours

Death shall not part us.

You're my beloved lover
I'm yours
Death shall not part us
It's you I died for
For better or worse
Forever we'll be
My love it unites us and it binds you to me
It's a mystery.

Love of my life
Look deep in my eyes
There you will find what you need.

I'm the giver of life
I'll clothe you in white
My immaculate bride you will be
Come running home to me.

You've been a mistress, my wife
Chasing lovers that won't satisfy
Won't you let me make you my bride
You will drink of my lips and you'll taste new life.

What greater love is there?

When the Saints Go Marching...

"It is Jesus that you seek when you dream of happiness; He is waiting for you when nothing else you find satisfies you; He is the beauty to which you are so attracted; it is He who provokes you with that thirst for fullness that will not let you settle for compromise; it is he who urges you to shed the masks of a false life; it is He who reads in your hearts your most genuine choices, the choices that others try to stifle. It is Jesus who stirs in you the desire to do something great with your lives, the will to follow an ideal, the refusal to allow yourselves to be grounded down by mediocrity, the courage to commit yourselves humbly and patiently to improving yourselves and society, making the world more human and more fraternal." --Pope John Paul II

The saints understood that--they all seemed to emanate the love of Jesus by their lives and their words and actions. Everything they did, they did out of love for Him. We are all called to be saints, and the beauty is that we all can be. We cannot do it on our own, but by His grace. If we truly desire it, if we truly desire to arrive at that point where we emanate light, love, and truth, God's grace will do it for us. He will transform us into saints that spend happily ever after with Him. But it won't be easy.

None of the saints lived perfectly comfortable, blissful lives. They fought, they preached, they cared for the sick, they gave of themselves out of love. Pope John Paul II is not yet a saint, but his leadership of the Church changed many hearts and encouraged growth and unity among the people. Sometimes as we thirst for holiness, we lose faith, we have doubts, or we flat out want to quit. But it is important for us to remember that the saints struggled with the same doubts and fears and weariness that we go through. They were human, just like us. Yet they rose above their physical boundaries and marched forth, searching for the truth they desired, the love they knew would be the only thing that would satisfy them.

When we struggle or lose hope or tire of our own failings, we can look to the saints for guidance. With the grace of God, they were able to keep marching on through the hardships. Despite discouragement, heartache, pain, fear, and doubt, they kept marching to His heartbeat. If we do the same, if we all continue to march in this way to sainthood, the world will have its happily ever after.