"This was my heaven."

Happy feast of Our Lady of Lourdes!

When I spent my semester in Austria, I had the opportunity to serve in the baths at Lourdes for a week long mission trip. It was a huge leap of faith for me, and a pretty last minute decision--a seat with my name on it flew to Greece with most of my friends, so at least I can say 97 euros of me went to Greece, but my heart and soul were in Lourdes, France. And my heart and soul were purchased at a much higher price than 97 euros!

When I first walked across the bridge into the center of Lourdes, I felt that I was walking into heaven. A mass of people was moving toward the grotto with candles held high as they sang "Ave Maria." The statue of Our Lady in the grotto was lit with a soft white-gold light and a tower of candles flickered at her feet. It was breathtakingly beautiful, holy, sacred. I understood what Bernadette had meant when she said of the grotto, "This was my heaven."

Every night there is this candlelit rosary procession which ends with Mass in the grotto. Every hour of the day, the bells in the basilica chime the tune of "Ave Maria." I admit that I had decided to go on that trip due to a simple prompting in my heart. I had never had much of a devotion to Our Lady. But in that week, I realized that she had called me there to serve as her handmaid, to be a light for the sick and the weary pilgrims who sought her help. I learned so much about Our Lady through the prayers, the service, the people. As she told Bernadette, she is the Immaculate Conception, so she never quite struggled with sin the way we do, but she wants to help bring us closer to her Son. I believe that she took my hand that week and she hasn't let go since.

So whether or not you are tight with Our Lady, give her a little shout-out today. She'll work within your heart and make it a heaven for her Son to dwell in. Which is pretty awesome if you ask me.

Prayer to Our Lady of Lourdes

O ever-Immaculate Virgin, Mother of Mercy,

health of the sick, refuge of sinners,

comforter of the afflicted,

you know my wants, my troubles, my sufferings;

look with mercy on me.

By appearing in the Grotto of Lourdes,

you were pleased to make it a privileged sanctuary,

whence you dispense your favors;

and already many sufferers have obtained

the cure of their infirmities, both spiritual and corporal.

I come, therefore, with complete confidence

to implore your maternal intercession.

Obtain, O loving Mother, the grant of my requests.

Through gratitude for your favors,

I will endeavor to imitate your virtues,

that I may one day share your glory. Amen.

You Are More

Tenth Avenue North - You Are More from Provident Label Group on Vimeo.

This is a great song by a great group and I had to share it here.

I attended the Tenth Avenue North concert back in September and wrote a little bit about it, but since then I have been listening to both their albums, Over and Underneath and The Light Meets the Dark, constantly. Their songs contain so much truth, beauty, freedom and love in their powerful lyrics. Many of the songs are prayers in themselves! I especially love that the songs encourage listeners to be honest, honest with themselves and with God. They offer clear reminders that we have already been saved by God's love, and that nothing can satisfy us except God's love. As in "By Your Side," the singer sings from God's perspective: "Why are you looking for love?/Why are you still searching, as if I'm not enough?" He is love. He is enough. This song, "You Are More," reminds us that God's love has made us a new creation. His love for us has already defeated the sin and lies that haunt us. He is the light that meets the darkness of our souls. It is up to us to keep our eyes on His light, to tune out the distractions of the world, and to let Him lead us to love.

Perhaps the most beautiful song ever (and the number one song in my iTunes library), "Beloved," reads like a love letter from Christ:

Love of my life

Look deep in my eyes

There you will find what you need.

Give me your life

The lust and the lies

And the past you're afraid I might see

You've been running away from me.

You're my beloved lover

I'm yours

Death shall not part us.

You're my beloved lover
I'm yours
Death shall not part us
It's you I died for
For better or worse
Forever we'll be
My love it unites us and it binds you to me
It's a mystery.

Love of my life
Look deep in my eyes
There you will find what you need.

I'm the giver of life
I'll clothe you in white
My immaculate bride you will be
Come running home to me.

You've been a mistress, my wife
Chasing lovers that won't satisfy
Won't you let me make you my bride
You will drink of my lips and you'll taste new life.

What greater love is there?

Green is for life.

Nestled on a clearance shelf in the back of the store, it called to me. Shades of green and funky weed things sprouting on the front made it look exactly like the kind of journal I would buy. Pretty leaves mark the bottom of each page--I love that kind of thing. The eco-friendly label also informed that no trees were used to make the journal. Here I must admit that I am something of a Go Green girl. You won't see me waving banners to save the trees (unborn babies are still my priority), but I do believe it is important to have a deep appreciation and respect for all of God's creation. The simple beauties of nature are a constant reminder of God's power and majesty. But these sensibilities and the fact that the journal is my favorite color were not enough to persuade me to buy it.

I confess that I have something of an obsession with journals. There are currently enough empty journals lining a shelf in my room to keep me covered for at least the next three years. There is just so much potential in a blank journal, so much hope and excitement for the words, dreams, secrets, and prayers to come. Writing is a discovery process for me, allowing me to piece together the crazy-mixed up pieces of my mind. Re-reading old journals helps me learn from my mistakes and not make the same ones again. I could go on forever about the joys of journals. This is why I get so excited when I find really "me" journals, especially really "me" journals on clearance....But I didn't need it. I told myself so and was about to put the lovely greenery back on the shelf, but the quote on the front suddenly made so much sense for the journal, for Go Green, for life: "What is a weed? A plant whose virtues have never been discovered." ~Ralph Waldo Emerson.

I thought to myself, I discover by journaling...what are the weeds in my life, the dark spots in the garden of my heart that need the most tending? They are those sins and temptations that I constantly fall into, those people that I have the most trouble loving, those hurts, pains, and regrets that I don't seem to go away. Though these things take the form of life-sucking weeds in my eyes, to God, they are opportunities to work miracles. When I give them to Him in faith, He pulls them out and plants something much more beautiful and life-giving in its place. He makes all things new. There have been so many times when I wrote and wrote about the hideous weeds in my heart. I hurt, I cried, I begged God to take them away. He always did, but it was so slow and so quiet that I didn't even notice until months later when I re-read what I had written. I began to see and discover the virtues that God had given those weeds. He shed light on the tear-filled pages, and in His light, nothing is ugly. He is stronger than murderous weeds, so that in Him, even they can become flowers. Even our greatest mistakes and failures can be transformed by Love into His greatest victories.

I bought the journal with no more hesitation. As I drove home, I saw more clearly the way the tops of the green trees brushed against the brilliant blue sky, the way each tree stood in its unique beauty in the golden sunshine. I thanked God for the beautiful trees, and for the journals they had produced for me to record the words that He writes on my heart. When I got home and pulled out the journal, I thought, What is a flower? A plant whose virtues require rain to bloom so that they may shine in the light of the Son. I laughed and smiled up at God.

It's the little things.