Tangled on the Battlefield

Shortly after I posted my entry "Seek Him First," a friend of mine told me she felt the same way, that she doesn't want to settle for less than the best in a relationship. But she also said that even though girls like us refuse to waste our time on a relationship that we know from the beginning won't go anywhere, a part of us still wants to waste that time. Which is so true. We hold onto this dream, but we don't want to settle for less. It's this inward battle we constantly fight with ourselves: the joy of being free versus the dread of being that witch with a b who turned a nice guy down; the freedom in finally being honest about your feelings versus the pain of losing a friend. It is a constant battle between the heart and mind, a tangled mess that no amount of brushing can mend.

When I took my six-year-old sister to see Disney's Tangled in the theater, there were moments when I felt like I was watching scenes from my own life. The film is a sweet and funny adventure story that portrays the tale of Rapunzel as she escapes her tower and ventures forth on a journey of self-discovery. I admit without shame that I loved it as much as (if not more than) my little sister did.

I have always been a sucker for Disney movies, especially its princesses. But unlike other princesses, Rapunzel isn't just a blonde girl trapped in a tower, weak and defenseless, waiting for her prince to save her. She is innocent and naive, but, armed with a frying pan, she takes charge of her destiny. Though she disobeys her "mother" to sneak out of her tower in search of an adventure, she finds herself battling conflicting feelings--the freedom of taking charge and being her own person versus the guilt of hurting her mother, the thrill of chasing after dreams versus the dullness of staying trapped in everyday reality. Fighting this battle and finding the balance is what makes us strong on our own journeys of self-discovery.

When Rapunzel breaks down the walls around her, she is able to discover more about the world and about herself. Her trust in the goodness of humanity and her refusal to express any fear inspires courage for the fight for good all around her, including in her thief escort, Flynn Rider. Her desire to be more and to have more than the confined space of her tower prison sent her on a journey in search of herself, and along the way she also finds love. The end of the film portrays not so much a happily ever after as it does the beginning of a new adventure, the search of a new dream.

This year I am breaking down the walls of "what ifs" and the feelings and fears that have held me back in the past. I am breaking free from these tangled chains and setting on a journey to find more and to be more than the damsel in distress I once was.

When the Saints Go Marching...

"It is Jesus that you seek when you dream of happiness; He is waiting for you when nothing else you find satisfies you; He is the beauty to which you are so attracted; it is He who provokes you with that thirst for fullness that will not let you settle for compromise; it is he who urges you to shed the masks of a false life; it is He who reads in your hearts your most genuine choices, the choices that others try to stifle. It is Jesus who stirs in you the desire to do something great with your lives, the will to follow an ideal, the refusal to allow yourselves to be grounded down by mediocrity, the courage to commit yourselves humbly and patiently to improving yourselves and society, making the world more human and more fraternal." --Pope John Paul II

The saints understood that--they all seemed to emanate the love of Jesus by their lives and their words and actions. Everything they did, they did out of love for Him. We are all called to be saints, and the beauty is that we all can be. We cannot do it on our own, but by His grace. If we truly desire it, if we truly desire to arrive at that point where we emanate light, love, and truth, God's grace will do it for us. He will transform us into saints that spend happily ever after with Him. But it won't be easy.

None of the saints lived perfectly comfortable, blissful lives. They fought, they preached, they cared for the sick, they gave of themselves out of love. Pope John Paul II is not yet a saint, but his leadership of the Church changed many hearts and encouraged growth and unity among the people. Sometimes as we thirst for holiness, we lose faith, we have doubts, or we flat out want to quit. But it is important for us to remember that the saints struggled with the same doubts and fears and weariness that we go through. They were human, just like us. Yet they rose above their physical boundaries and marched forth, searching for the truth they desired, the love they knew would be the only thing that would satisfy them.

When we struggle or lose hope or tire of our own failings, we can look to the saints for guidance. With the grace of God, they were able to keep marching on through the hardships. Despite discouragement, heartache, pain, fear, and doubt, they kept marching to His heartbeat. If we do the same, if we all continue to march in this way to sainthood, the world will have its happily ever after.

Happily Ever After

These past few weeks have been crazy-busy with spring break and household retreat with the Little Flowers, as well as beginning to focus more on my thesis (due in one month...). Even in the craziness, God has been working steadily in my heart, continuing to transform it from a girl's to that of a woman.

While researching for my thesis (I'm writing a Catholic's guide to the Twilight series, weeding out both the positive and negative aspects as they apply to teenage girls), I stumbled on an excellent article by Laura Miller ("Touched by a vampire"). She writes: "Some things, it seems, are even harder to kill than vampires. The traditional feminine fantasy of being delivered from obscurity by a dazzling, powerful man, of needing to do no more to prove or find yourself than win his devotion, of being guarded from all life's vicissitudes by his boundless strength and wealth--all this turns out to be a difficult dream to leave behind."

Indeed, it is difficult to leave such a dream behind. I used to wonder if it were even necessary. Yes, I understood that my life would not end like a Jane Austen novel. But I still let myself become consumed with romantic ideals found in novels, songs, and movies. It was all I dreamed of--to sit still and wait until a man came who loved me and would vow to love me forever. Like I mentioned in previous posts, I let myself practically drown in this dream, projecting these romantic ideals into situations where they did not belong. It was like I was living in "snooze" mode in a feeble attempt to catch another small glimpse of my dream. I refused to wake up and begin the rest of my life. But, as on spring break when our alarm every morning (thanks to my lovely household sister) was, Enrique Iglesias whispering, "I can be your hero...," God finally woke me up from my fantasy world by reminding me, "You are mine, first and forever." He showed me that I could have something far greater than a romance like Pride and Prejudice: a divine romance. Jesus wants to be the hero of your heart!

Heaven should be our ultimate goal, because only with God can we be completely satisfied. On earth, we will always encounter some sort of sorrow or heartache. This is why, God showed me, it is important to let go of earthly desires. When we seek only Him, He shares with us the most beautiful romance, because only in heaven will we find happily ever after....

*song of the day: "Divine Romance," Phil Wickham