When God Writes Your Love Story

As you may have noticed, I have recently been struggling with boy-craziness/crushes. I blame this on the fact that I am trying to figure out the rest of my life and I had always hoped that a young man would be by my side during all of it. Clearly, that is not God's will for me right now, but I have been trying to take the pen out of His hand. I scribble down my own dreams and say, "See, this would be cute, wouldn't it?" He never seems to agree....

My mom once asked me when I was freaking out about several different guys at once, "Don't you think God already knows who you're going to marry?"

I stopped and realized that yes, God already has someone in mind for me. "Well, yeah."

Mom said bluntly,"Well, then don't you think He wants you to shut up?"

I always think about that when I begin to get boy-crazy or get a crush. But I still can't help but wonder when a boy comes along, "Could this be him?"

A few years ago, my mom handed me a book called, When God Writes Your Love Story. I recall reading the title and telling her, "Yeah, He is writing it, and it's boring," then tossing the book bitterly to the back of my closet. The title caught my eye recently as I cleaned out twenty-three years worth of collected junk from my closet. This time, because of all that I have learned and experienced in the last few years, I was intrigued, excited, giddy: isn't this exactly what the idea behind my blog is? Letting God write the story, and letting Him live in our hearts?

I was excited to begin reading, but I was busy helping one of my best friends prepare for her wedding, which took place this past weekend. As a bridesmaid, I helped fold programs, alphabetize place cards, make her laugh, etc. The day was so full of love and fun that I got caught up in the romance. I formed a few crushes, actually. The next day, we became Facebook friends and moved on with our separate lives, but I could not get them out of my head, and I actually began to lose hope in love because I figured that these would end like every other crush: in nothing. Between constant Facebook checks, I finally began reading the book by married couple Eric and Leslie Ludy.

The book provides a beautiful and perfect depiction of the kind of relationships and romance that God wants for us. God desires us to trust in Him, to hold out for the One He has chosen, to let Him write our love stories. This doesn't mean sitting by idly waiting for Prince Charming to show up with our missing shoe--that's boring. It means actively growing closer to God, letting Him love us, forgive us, and form us according to His will. It means putting God, the Author of romance, back in the center of our lives. Basically, the book said everything that I ever wanted to say in this blog, everything I wanted my thesis to become, everything I want to live. Now I am more consciously aware of the way God has been working in my heart and writing the pages and chapters of my life, ever since I was a silly little first grader, drawing with my crayons, dreaming of my future, and writing down my plans. I want to continue to grow, to love, to be who He created me to be.

More than anything, I do not ever want to lose hope in love again. I have come to see that even when I fall, God always saves me from losing myself in the boy-crazy mindset. And even though no crush ends in a relationship, these souls are added to my list of instrumental people along my journey, and I pray for them daily! I know that I will fall again at some point, but I also know that God is in control. I consciously gave Him the pen to my story about two and a half years ago, and even though I try to sneak the pen away from Him sometimes, He holds on tight. In the meantime, I must learn to seek His will everyday, to love and give, to hold on to hope in love. At times, it will be hard and lonely, but in the end, even if He does not have an earthly romance in store for me, the divine romance in heaven will be gloriously lovely.

Read the book!

Happily Ever After

These past few weeks have been crazy-busy with spring break and household retreat with the Little Flowers, as well as beginning to focus more on my thesis (due in one month...). Even in the craziness, God has been working steadily in my heart, continuing to transform it from a girl's to that of a woman.

While researching for my thesis (I'm writing a Catholic's guide to the Twilight series, weeding out both the positive and negative aspects as they apply to teenage girls), I stumbled on an excellent article by Laura Miller ("Touched by a vampire"). She writes: "Some things, it seems, are even harder to kill than vampires. The traditional feminine fantasy of being delivered from obscurity by a dazzling, powerful man, of needing to do no more to prove or find yourself than win his devotion, of being guarded from all life's vicissitudes by his boundless strength and wealth--all this turns out to be a difficult dream to leave behind."

Indeed, it is difficult to leave such a dream behind. I used to wonder if it were even necessary. Yes, I understood that my life would not end like a Jane Austen novel. But I still let myself become consumed with romantic ideals found in novels, songs, and movies. It was all I dreamed of--to sit still and wait until a man came who loved me and would vow to love me forever. Like I mentioned in previous posts, I let myself practically drown in this dream, projecting these romantic ideals into situations where they did not belong. It was like I was living in "snooze" mode in a feeble attempt to catch another small glimpse of my dream. I refused to wake up and begin the rest of my life. But, as on spring break when our alarm every morning (thanks to my lovely household sister) was, Enrique Iglesias whispering, "I can be your hero...," God finally woke me up from my fantasy world by reminding me, "You are mine, first and forever." He showed me that I could have something far greater than a romance like Pride and Prejudice: a divine romance. Jesus wants to be the hero of your heart!

Heaven should be our ultimate goal, because only with God can we be completely satisfied. On earth, we will always encounter some sort of sorrow or heartache. This is why, God showed me, it is important to let go of earthly desires. When we seek only Him, He shares with us the most beautiful romance, because only in heaven will we find happily ever after....

*song of the day: "Divine Romance," Phil Wickham