Rachel's Contrition and hope in fiction

When I was growing up, my parents were pretty strict about the kinds of books they let us read. In high school, I was not allowed to take certain honors English courses because of the books that were read and discussed in class. Because of that, my reading horizon never expanded far past generic Christian fiction. Whenever I did have the chance to read or learn about "real" literature in school, I always loved to read a few chapters or excerpts, but never cared much to read the whole novel. I liked to taste the different writing styles and read summaries to get a feel for the book, but I rarely had the patience to spend time reading them all the way through. This often made me feel inadequate as an English major, but I survived. The very last class I took at Franciscan, Teaching Writing as a Process, actually did a wonderful job pulling together everything I had learned in my four years. Though it was geared toward those going into teaching, I learned a great deal about myself as a writer, and how the different teachers in my life (especially my parents) helped me grow into the person I am today. I found this quote in the textbook:

"Tell your daughter that she can learn a great deal about writing by reading and by studying books about grammar and the organization of ideas, but if she wishes to write well she will have to become someone. She will have to discover her beliefs, and then speak to us from within those beliefs. If her prose doesn't come out of her belief,...she will only be passing along information, of which we are in no great need." ~Barry Lopez, About This Life

My parents taught me this in their own way, and I am very grateful. I learned that it is more important to act as a child of God than to succeed in worldly terms. They taught me the importance of holding onto my faith and putting it first in my life, that the most important thing we can do with our gifts is to use them for the glory of God. I want to use my gifts to glorify God, but at times I fear failure. What if I spend years or even decades working on a book, and it never goes anywhere? Is there even a Catholic fiction market? How do I write the kind of book that glorifies God but can also reach millions of people? (And okay, I know that reaching millions isn't the goal--even touching just one soul is enough--but what writer doesn't secretly dream about a bestseller?)

My mom gave me hope for Christmas in the form of a book by Catholic author Michelle Buckman. The book, Rachel's Contrition, had high ratings on Amazon, even though it was a story about the writings of St. Therese helping a woman heal from the painful events in her life. It sounded promising, so I began reading. Then I couldn't stop. One taste of her writing wasn't enough--I devoured the whole book. I wasn't sure what was going on at first. It didn't sound like a typical Christian book. It was very well-written with a single distinctive voice. None of the characters were preachy. There was heart and soul, pain and healing, human weakness and the all-consuming power of a loving God. The story moved so that I kept wanting more. I felt completely transported into Rachel's world. In a way, I was her. I lost myself in her despair and found myself rising in her hope. I highly recommend you read Rachel's Contrition for yourself--then let me know what you think!

Get Your Love

As I walked down the street in my neighborhood about a week ago, the same street my family has lived on for 18 years, I saw it as if for the first time. The sapphire sky seemed to glitter in between the leaves as they waved crisply in the breeze. The golden autumn sun sent out its warm rays to light the branches, some still covered in green, others golden yellow, fiery red, and burnt orange. The breath of God was all around me, the beauty of the touch of His paintbrush all before me, the gentle strength of His hands beneath my feet. I heard that song from my youth in a faint whispering on the wind, "He's got the whole world in His Hands..." Following the strings of the youthful melody came a song from a more recent era: "I think I made You too small. I never feared You at all...What do I know of You, who spoke me into motion...What do I know of Holy?..."

It was then I felt it, the comfort in the knowledge that He has us in His hands. The whole world. We can look up at the domed sapphire sky as He looks down. We can smile into the sun as He smiles down at us. We can feel His breath on our faces in the wind. We walk with Him and He serenades us with the Spirit of Love He has breathed into all of His creation. It's beautiful really, to think that He spoke the earth into motion, that He breathed life into Adam. The breath of God's Love is the source of all life!

There is nothing and no one greater than our God. When I find that I make Him too small by letting thoughts of myself get in the way of love, or by letting my own pride get in the way of kindness, He finds a way to humble me. I have now made it a habit to take moments throughout the day to glance at the sky and smile up at our loving Creator. It certainly helps me to recognize my littleness in this big world! St. Therese wrote, "Jesus is content with a tender look or a sigh of love." He does not want our mindless recitation of old prayers as much as He wants our love, however we find a way to express this love, as long as it is true and from the heart.

It seems that what we ought to do then is let His love radiate through us, let it fill us to the point of overflowing so that every breath we take and every move we make is for love of Him. It is important then to treat the people around us, even the ones we would normally avoid because of their behavior or their appearance, with the respect and the love we have for God. The same breath of love gives each life the same dignity. Once we recognize this, once we come to God and accept His gift, we must help others see it as well. As my six-year-old sister says, "Get your love." Then breathe it in, breathe it out, and come alive again!

A Blessed Anniversary: A tale from my semester abroad

Two years ago today, I was in Lisieux, France, the hometown of St. Therese, celebrating the beatification of St. Therese's parents, Louis and Zelie Martin. I will never forget the experience.

The week before the beatification, I had been on a mission trip at Lourdes, serving in the holy baths, assisting North American pilgrims, and attending special Masses, services, and processions devoted to Our Lady of Lourdes. It was one of the most spiritually enriching and life-changing experiences I have ever had. The first night we arrived at Lourdes, I immediately went with a few girls to explore the grotto, where Our Lady appeared to St. Bernadette in 1858, 150 years previous. As we crossed the bridge over the river that night, we beheld a scene that I concluded must be heaven itself: a candlelit procession of thousands of pilgrims around the Rosary Basilica grounds into the grotto as the traditional Marian hymn, "Ave Maria" was sung.

The rest of that week was spent in humble service and prayer, and each of us serving there was touched deeply by the experience. Many of us had the idea that we wanted to attend the beatification in Lisieux on our return trip, but we weren't sure if we would be able to make it so we didn't make any hotel reservations. By the end of the week though, several of us knew that we simply could not pass up the experience, even if it meant sleeping in the train station. So there we found ourselves that Saturday evening, wandering homeless, feeling a little like Mary and Joseph on Christmas Eve. No one had room for us. We even asked if some places would allow us to just rest in their lobbies--no such luck. We were exhausted after a long week and prayed that we would find affordable shelter. Finding nothing, we began our trek back to the train station.

By the time we reached it, we saw that it was closed, but there were several more students from Lourdes who had arrived. One girl (who was fluent in French) was speaking to a priest and another man who we later found out she had met on the train. The man told us that he happened to have beds enough for the 11 of us. He drove us out of the small town into the moonlit French countryside. We knew we were taking a risk going with this stranger, but we trusted that since we had served Our Lady all week, she would find us a place to rest, even if it was a lowly stable! We arrived at an adorable cottage with exactly enough beds for all of us. As the man left, he also arranged for taxis for us the next morning to take us to the Basilica for the beatification. When we tried to offer the man money, he refused saying, "When you come to Lisieux, you

have to learn to accept gifts. Accept this gift as a grace from God."

When we arrived at the Basilica the next morning, the top level was already full, but we found front row seats in the crypt, where we watched the service above us on a screen. I prayed for everyone I knew during our more than two hour wait, especially my Little Flowers household, past, present and future. The Mass itself was in French

so we didn't know exactly what was going on, but we could tell by the cheering and applause from the people around us when the Cardinal pronounced Venerable Louis and Zelie Martin as Blessed Louis and Zelie Martin in the year of their 150th wedding anniversary. It was the most beautiful celebration for a wedding anniversary I have ever witnessed,

and I am so blessed that I was able to be there! I knew that my patron St. Therese had helped guide me there.

Ever since that experience, that whole week culminating in such a beautiful celebration of the holy sacrament of marriage, I have felt a deep desire for something that holy and pure. Whether God calls me to religious life or marriage, I want to live out my vocation and my whole life solely for Him. I know that this period of being single has its purpose, and each day that passes I desire greater holiness for me and my future spouse.

Blessed Louis and Zelie Martin, pray for us!

Saint Therese of the Child Jesus, pray for us!

The Choice

Since October is Respect Life month, my mind has been working around the issues of life and death. When I was younger and complaining about the injustice of it all, my mom explained that changing the laws won't matter unless we also change hearts. It's true. The government could overturn Roe v. Wade, and then the states would decide for themselves whether a mother was justified under law to have her unborn child murdered. But if we change their hearts so that they see how disgusting it is that this is even an option, there will be little to no need for laws. It just seems like common sense to me, that it's wrong to destroy life at its most innocent, precious, helpless stages. Why are we so surprised when kids go to school with guns when their generation is not even safe within the confines of their mothers' wombs?

It is a culture of death that, sadly enough, goes beyond abortion. Hearts have been corrupted by lies. They buy into the instant pleasures the world offers, and they seek success so that they can gain more of these pleasures. People seem to have forgotten about God because they have what they need for a comfortable, secure life. God's "rules" interfere with that, so they disregard Him completely. But when this life is over--and we never know when it will be--where will these shriveled hearts go? God does not "send people to hell." They choose to go.

This is a choice we all have. We can choose to love God with everything we have and everything we are, and spend eternity with Him in heaven. Or we can choose to ignore Him, to reject Him, to say, "That's not for me" and spend eternity in misery. Really, God's "rules" don't seem like such when we love Him, when we want to please Him, when we see the world as He sees it. When we ask for it, He gives us His Heart and His Love to share with the world. St. Therese wrote that most people don't think about death enough. She didn't mean that we should think of death in a depressing, paint-your-fingernails-black-and-hate-the-world kind of way, but in a Gladiator, "What you do in this life echoes in eternity" kind of way. If we choose lies now, we will spend eternity in darkness. If we choose truth, we will live in the Light.

It makes me wonder, thinking about faith and salvation as this choice we have between life and death, why do we try to be politically correct about it? Why do I try so hard not to make other people feel uncomfortable when I want to speak of God's love? "Let sleeping dogs lie," I suppose. But these aren't dogs. These are people, humans created in the image and likeness of God, brothers and sisters on this earth. If we truly believe that what we believe is the True Way to eternal life, that all sin leads to death, why do we keep silent?

I admit that I know the answer for me: I can be incredibly shy around others, so I found a peaceful existence in being an overly polite person who has limited, surface-deep interactions with others to keep from making anyone feel too uncomfortable. I can sit behind my computer and my journals and write things like this, but when it comes down to it, I am silent when it counts, when it is a matter of life and death. So here I make my choice to break out of this peaceful, comfortable existence. I want to stir things up. I cannot do it alone, but "The Good God does not need years to accomplish His work of love in a soul; one ray from His heart can, in an instant, make His flower bloom for eternity." (St. Therese)

Little flowers need rain as much as sunshine.

Crushes are so irritating. These thorns in your side sneak up on you when you least suspect it and there's often nothing you can do to stop thinking about that certain guy. Even in my twenties, I fall back into this vicious cycle of wondering about guys who are practically strangers: "Could this cute, holy guy be the One?" I pray and beg God to take these obnoxious thoughts away. Why do I keep thinking about a guy whose name I don't even know? Seriously. It's ridiculous.

Or is it? I often fall for guys and they distract me, making me lose my focus. But they certainly make me pray more! And looking back, God has used this weakness of mine in huge ways to bring me closer to Him, to teach me about myself, and even to show me His will. From these thorns bloom the most beautiful roses.

One of my household sisters texted me this passage yesterday:

"And to keep me from being too elated by the abundance of revelations, a thorn was given me in the flesh, a messenger of Satan, to harass me, to keep me from being too elated. Three times I begged the Lord about this, that it should leave me; but he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." I will all the more gladly boast of my weaknesses, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities; for when I am weak, then I am strong." 2 Corinthians 12:7-10

St. Therese talks about this a lot, about our weaknesses being good in that they bring us closer to God. If we had no weaknesses, we would have no need of Him. But weakness causes us to rely on Him and increases our trust in Him. He uses this trust to perform miracles, to move mountains in the hearts of men. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, crushes, separations, and loneliness; for when I am weak, then I am strong. I admit I still haven't found a way to get rid of silly crushes, but as I think my silly thoughts, I look to God and tell Him I can't do it alone. He usually shines some light on the situation, allowing me a small revelation that teaches me to love better. Eventually I get over it and life goes on, a little bit more joyful than before. I am also a little bit more me than before.

His grace falls like rain to make the little flowers grow.

Take Love With You

I recently watched the American classic You Can't Take It With You, winner of Best Picture at the 1939 Oscars. It was a charming film about a girl who feared her future in-laws (a famously wealthy banker and his wife) meeting her quirky middle-class family. The film was enjoyable, but it also carried a strong message concerning materialism, family, and living life to the fullest. At one point, the girl's grandfather says to the banker of his money: "You can't take it with you, Mr. Kirby. So what good is it? As near as I can see, the only thing you can take with you is the love of your friends." In today's society there is this tendency toward a consumerist mentality like Mr. Kirby's. We have all become so comfortable in the things that we can't take with us.

Even in the Church, there is a mentality of being "backseat Catholics." We attend Mass, follow the rules, and no one gets hurt. I once heard a priest relate this mentality to having a crush on someone. When a girl has a crush on a guy, she anxiously anticipates the next time she will see him again. When she does see him, her face lights up, her heart beats wildly, and her admiration is evident in her smile. Yet so often when we approach the altar to receive the One True Love in communion, we look--and probably are--bored. Where is the passion? Where is the love that will lead souls to God? We become comfortable in the routine, and fail to comprehend the Truth: that we are receiving into ourselves His Precious Blood and most Sacred Heart. The Host transforms us into living tabernacles.

As is written in I Believe in Love (a book based on the spirituality of St. Therese of Lisieux), "from the tabernacles of the world come forth rays of divine light, parts of the sun of love, which touch and enlighten souls. Be a praying and loving host, and you will send forth rays like the Host, and God will give you all those who 'voyage' with you, your neighbors, all those whom you love and whose salvation you ardently desire." When we believe in His saving power with humble trust and confidence, we become beacons of love that leads others home. Yes, love is the one thing we can take with us, and with it, we bring souls.

"You are a masterpiece of His love, wounded, disfigured by sin, but remade by the Redeemer, more beautiful than before." ~I Believe In Love

There are times in all of our lives when we become lonely or we find ourselves vulnerable to pain from past hurts, quietly missing what never came to be. Everyone has one of those nights every once in awhile--even married people--and some more than others. On one such night for me several months ago, I sat down at a table with my roommate in our campus student center. There on the table was a love letter from Jesus. Technically, it was written to Anne, the lay apostle (who'd I'd only recently heard about), but the words were exactly what I needed to hear. I felt that God had put the words there for me, speaking directly to my heart.

Jesus said to Anne (on November 1): "I am with you in your own suffering and I allow loneliness for every serving apostle because it is only through this loneliness that you understand how badly you need Me. Your loneliness then becomes a heavenly port in a storm of activity through which you draw graces down into the world. You see that you suffer. When you return to Me forever, you will see that your suffering, accepted in My name, advanced not only My intentions, but yours. Be at peace, little apostle. I am involved in all that occurs in your life. I am with you. I will not leave you."

These words brought so much peace to my heart! He uses our loneliness for good. It is in this loneliness that we are emptied of ourselves. We are called to give love to all we meet. When we let God love through us, when we choose love, He fills these empty places--the cracks and holes, the ugly plots of soil in the gardens of our hearts--with beautiful seeds of Love. He scatters these seeds with His hand, and in the quiet, echoing emptiness, these seeds take root. Their roots form around the pain, suffocating the hurt. His hands pat down the soil, and then His Grace rains down and His Love shines on your little garden. In His perfect timing, your heart will bloom: "...just as in nature all the seasons are arranged in such a way to make the humblest daisy bloom on a set day, in the same way, everything works out for the good of each soul." ~St. Therese, Story of a Soul.

Having heard God's message, having read His love letter, I have discovered a delightful (and much healthier!) alternative to eating a pint of Ben and Jerry's Half-Baked ice cream in front of a sappy romance: talking to God. He's always there, and He is using our pain for a greater purpose. He allows us to feel loneliness so that we may look forward to heaven and strive for it even more. It's okay to cry to Him and tell Him why we're upset--especially for women. He understands that this is necessary. He created us this way! But the bigger picture is that He is forming unique seeds of love within us. The process is painful, and sometimes downright unpleasant, but the outcome is an exquisite, unique flower with your name on it--a unique form of love from God through you to whoever you meet along your journey.

To smile through your tears, to say through the pain, "Jesus, I thank You for everything," is all He asks: "When He gives us something to suffer, said little Therese, it is because He wants a gift from us. What gift? A smile on the Cross....The most beautiful smiles are those which shine through tears, that we give in spite of ourselves." ~I Believe in Love. So SMILE, because Jesus loves you, a Masterpiece of His creation!

A perfect song is "One of Those Nights," by a talented Catholic artist (and good friend of mine!) Andrea Gleason. She sings: "It's one of those nights that I turn and look my fears in the face and I say, 'Go away, I don't want you back here. Go away, I won't let you back here.' It's one of those days that I know I'm gonna be okay, I'm gonna be alright, just fine." Check it out, along with other songs on her myspace, including her first single "You From Me," available exclusively on iTunes!--> http://www.myspace.com/andreaglea.

Share the Love!

It can get to be something of a joke on our tiny Catholic campus, to say "Pray for me" or "I'll pray for you" concerning the littlest, seemingly insignificant things. Why would I ask someone to pray for me? None of my problems are that serious. It seemed their prayers would be better served for other things or people concerning more serious issues. Something I learned recently is the power and importance of asking others to pray for your intentions, or other intentions that you have been asked to pray for.

God taught me this through various people, beginning with my amazing roommate. She had an interview for a graduate program that she was very excited about. She asked (perhaps threatened would be a better word... ;-)) everyone at work to pray for her, even those who admitted that they don't pray. The next day, one of them asked me how her interview went. He admitted that he had actually prayed for her (for the first time in years), simply because he cares about her and wants to see her succeed. See what love God can shine through us? A man spoke to God for the first time in years simply because my roommate asked him to. Her powerful example got me thinking.

A couple weeks later, just before spring break, a friend asked me to pray a rosary for him everyday while he went on a mission trip. Because of his belief that my prayers would help, I committed myself to that daily rosary. While on break, I also found myself struggling internally with lies that the devil kept whispering in my ear. I could not shake them off, and as I prayed, I realized I could not do it alone. I texted a friend and e-mailed my mom (I believe firmly that a mother's prayers are the strongest!) to pray for me in my struggle. As soon as I did, I heard God say, "I got this. Don't worry about it; just enjoy yourself and know that I am here." I believed He did, and went on my way, enjoying the rest of break.

Today I went to my class and found a different professor there. He told us that due to health problems in the family, our professor had to cancel class, but had printed out detailed notes for us. I picked one up and something on the top letter caught my attention. He wrote that he did not initially intend to write of his family's health issues, but that he was missing an opportunity to ask for prayer. He kindly asked us then to pray for them as they go through this troubled time. So I ask you as well, whenever you happen to read this, please say a prayer for his family.

Prayer is so powerful when we truly believe and follow St. Therese's little way in trust. God uses even the smallest prayers to work miracles in souls. It is such a simple way to love, and it works out for everyone. God loves through us when we agree to pray others (and they appreciate our support!). He loves through us when we ask others to pray for us (and they appreciate being needed!). And of course, all the prayers we lift up in trust console the Heart of God.

Let the prayer chain grow--share the Love!

The One True Love

While on retreat, we focused on being victims of love. The whole theme fit perfectly with Good Friday, the day that we remember Christ's sacrifice of Love on the Cross. This is some of my reflection from the retreat. I would like to offer a special thanks to all my beautiful sisters and our excellent guest speaker who gave the talks and allowed God to speak through them!

"I want this love which men reject. I open my heart wide to the Divine Love. Let it invade me, let it burn me, let it consume my heart completely. Thus I shall console my divine Savior. Thus I shall die a victim of love, immolated in this ocean of flames." ~from St. Therese's "Act of Oblation to Merciful Love"

He is the Divine Furnace of Love. We come as we are and He will cleanse us by purifying our hearts. Sometimes He uses suffering to purify our hearts--He knows exactly what He is doing! When we broke off into small groups, one of my sisters prayed for God to purify our hearts. I looked down at my water bottle and read the bold word, "Purified." It was as if God were telling me, "Done. Aaand done!" In a sense, I felt the reference to my past heartache, that God has purified me of the suffering. I no longer felt it negatively; rather, I felt the effects of it, the change that God had made take place in my heart. I felt the wild roses blooming--flowers from My Love. But I also felt the reference to all of humanity: He has already purified us. By His passion and death, He has washed us clean of our guilt by His Blood.

A beautiful image given by one of our sisters: Imagine that you are kneeling at the foot of the cross with Mary, Our Mother. You suffer as she suffers watching the Blood of Christ pour out of His wounds, from His hands, His feet, the places where the crown of thorns has pierced His sacred head. These are wounds He received fighting for your love! Let the Blood wash over you, cleanse you of your sins, purify your heart. This is His Divine Mercy. His Mercy is greater than our sins, breaking down the walls of all that keeps us from Him.

"Don't you know you take His breath away? Because He is madly, deeply in Love with you!" He died for us out of love for us, Loved us until His last breath. His Love for us literally took His breath away! He is the One True Love! (Click on the link for a video to the song "True Love," by Phil Wickham--the perfect Good Friday/Easter song!) Let us seek to be His victims of love, to let His Mercy wash us clean and His Love to flow through us. He calls us to love as He Loved, to set the world ablaze with love!

One way we can do this is by praying the Divine Mercy Novena (for more information on the Divine Mercy devotion, click here). It begins today (Good Friday) and ends on Divine Mercy Sunday. I will be posting the specific prayers for each day on this blog (see "pages"), if you'd like to come here for a reference!

The Night Before He Died

I love Holy Week. It is the most beautiful time of prayer, when we come to the heart of the Church through the sacrifice of Christ. We remember how Christ gave His life for us, that we may live. Holy Thursday is the night on which He instituted the Eucharist, giving His Body and Blood to His disciples, and, in so doing, giving us His Sacred Heart.

He gave up His life in order to give us His Heart, to show us that He loves us to the point of death. Now His Heart seeks your love. Jesus said to His apostles, "My heart is nearly broken with sorrow. Remain here and stay awake with me." His Heart breaks for those He loves, even those who do not return His love! He breaks His Heart freely and gives it to us in the Eucharist. He sits in the cold, dark tabernacles of the world, suffering for every soul who does not love Him. Some of these tabernacles are in churches, and He invites you to sit with Him, to make an extra hour to stay awake and be His comfort, ease some of His pain, remind Him why it is all worth it. Some of these tabernacles are in the hearts of men who reject Him with their lifestyles. We are called to love them, to bring these souls to Him. It is through the Blessed Sacrament that He shows us how to love more perfectly and bring these souls to His Sacred Heart.

LOVE has come to show the way! Through prayer and the sacraments, we can learn the way of LOVE! Let us set aside those things that make us fall asleep or make us want to keep hitting "snooze." It is time for us to wake up, to be with Jesus, and to LOVE! (song for the night: "Wake Up," Danyew)

"Do you realize that Jesus is there in the tabernacle expressly for you--for you alone? He burns with the desire to come into your heart...don't listen to the demon, laugh at him and go without fear to receive the Jesus of peace and love." ~St. Therese

Candy Hearts

Valentine’s Day. Single’s Awareness Day. Or, as my five-year-old sister calls it, Love Day.

Whatever you want to call it, February 14^th really bothered me until this year. I always saw it as a silly secularized holiday celebrating romantic love (which society often confuses with lust). It seemed that if a man really loved a woman, he would find ways to appreciate her every other day of the year—isn’t that what anniversaries are for? Why is it necessary for there to be a day when all the couples in the world are allowed to revel in their love bubble all at the same time? It makes one acutely aware of her singleness. I suppose that if I had someone in my life, it would be different. I would want to celebrate love, too, with flowers and doilies and candy hearts.

As it is though, I see what society has made the holiday become, especially after seeing the film Valentine’s Day that came out earlier this year. It is clear that society and the media do not understand what love is. The movie was entertaining at times, and I admit it brought tears to my eyes more than once (it doesn’t really take much for me!), but it was severely lacking. Every time it seemed like it was about to say something decent or even remotely true about love, something vulgar or funny ruined the moment. Such is life, I suppose. Human love is never perfect. Society portrays us as having candy hearts. They are hard and empty of all satisfaction. Candy hearts ask for someone to “text me,” or “call me.” They affirm that “ur gr8,” or “ur hott.” I received one that said “be mine,” but when I took it and ate it, I was not satisfied.

This year, the night before Valentine’s Day, I attended BeLoved, a mini-retreat for the women on campus. We heard testimonies from a married woman, a Franciscan nun, and a student who is discerning/spent almost a year in a convent before deciding to come to Franciscan. They all spoke of loving God first (where I got the idea for this blog’s title!), and of the joy and peace that comes from following His will. It was an incredibly inspiring night, which ended with adoration and midnight Mass. The priest gave a beautiful homily saying, “He is madly, passionately in love with you, and that is not liberal or conservative—it's just the plain Truth.” Then he thanked us for taking our vocations as women seriously, and for beginning Valentine's Day with the One True Love—Jesus in the Eucharist! Only when we receive Him, will we be satisfied.

Oh, it was beautiful. It gave me a new perspective: The whole night I kept thinking how beautiful it is that we have a day to celebrate love! It may be a lame holiday promoted by greeting card companies and florists as one of the most profitable holidays of the year, but why can't we de-secularize it and make it a day to celebrate everyone that we love, and to especially celebrate God’s love for us? By celebrating with the Sacred Heart rather than candy hearts, we can mark it as a day to remember the source of all life and all love. *He gives us His heart at each Mass.* By coming to the Eucharist, we can receive Christ into our hearts and allow the graces of His love to fill and satisfy us. With this grace, we can share His love with others, especially those who have no one else to love them.

My little sister understands it (it’s that whole childlike confidence we are called to by St. Therese), as she decorates the walls with Disney princess valentine’s and heart stickers. It is Love Day, a day to renew our love for God and for everyone He has put into our lives, and to recognize that without Him and His sacrifice of love, we would have hard, candy hearts. But it is the fire and passion of His burning love for us that melts them into cushy, lovable hearts that say, "I am Yours, first and forever." And we will live with Him happily ever after....

To Be Free

In case you are wondering, I am a senior at Franciscan University in Steubenville, Ohio. I am graduating after I finish up some final classes over the summer, and I have no certain plan for my future. I sort of assumed when I came here that by this time I would have found the man of my dreams and would be planning my future with him, since that's what happened to my older sister when she came here....

As you have probably figured out from my first post, that has not happened. However, I have learned a lot about myself and grown spiritually through my experiences here. God certainly uses our weaknesses to bring us closer to Him! So, I want to share encouragement and support for all single women struggling to live out their vocations. It is something I struggled with for a very long time, and still struggle with often! But I recently found peace and freedom in the Truth. The Truth is that God wants us. He wants us to come to Him so He can hold us close to His heart and pour His love into us. As St. Therese writes in Story of a Soul, “Perfection consists in doing His will, in being what He wills us to be.” Right now, He wills us to be content in Him, to be vessels of His love, and to go out into the world and share the love with others. Instead of trying to read the signs and figure it out, He desires us to simply love and to be who He wants us to be, rather than try to figure out what (wife and mother, religious, etc.). Because no matter what He wants in the future, right now (and always!) He wants us to LOVE!

One of my household sisters (A household is a sort of ‘baptized sorority,’ or faith community, that exist on campus at FUS. I belong to a household called the Little Flowers, who strive to live and love through the spirituality of St. Therese of Lisieux.) told me once after I confided to her about my frustration at not being in a relationship that there are some of God’s children whom He wants to keep close to Himself a little longer. She spoke of a beautiful image of a little girl walking on the beach, holding her Father’s hand. The little girl wanted to go play in the water with her sisters, but the Father held her hand tight and told her, “Be patient, daughter. I will grant you the desires of your heart, but not yet." He is not ready to part with us. He wants all of His children to remain close to His heart, but we are His special comfort, the ones who still seek True Love. He says to our souls, weary in the search, "Come be close and be rested." Only when we accept His offer will our souls be free.

:)