Breaking Down the Dream

"Woe to the complacent..." The words struck me at Mass today. The theme of all the readings was a call to action. It seemed that a passionate homily should follow, something that would inspire me into action. Instead, two men stood up to talk for Stewardship Sunday. The first one spoke about the parish budget. He assured us that the parish is financially stable, and that we can finally start raising money for the playground "we have wanted for years." Really?

I have been thinking lately about how comfortable my life has been. I have always had everything I needed and more. Food, shelter, education, a loving family. For a long time, I complained about not having the one thing I wanted most--the love of a man. When I saw the negative implications of this dream and the unhealthy mindset, I woke myself up. I have come a long way, but now I see that that was only a dream within a dream. My whole life has been a dream, a false security. Don't get me wrong, I am incredibly thankful for the life I was born into and the many blessings I have received. But now that I am fairly grown up, I can see that it is no longer enough.

Every once in awhile on retreats or at spiritual gatherings, I felt a fire, a burning passion inside me. But the mundane, lukewarm routine of my life always seemed to douse the flame down to a tiny flicker, part of the natural course of spiritual highs and lows. The flicker remains, a tiny burst of thirst inside of me that can never be quenched, even in my deepest sleep. I want to make a change in the world, but how?

My mother in all her wit always says jokingly, "Who cares about apathy anyway?" I think her joke has truth in it, though. More and more these days I see people care about their nice homes, their yards, the playgrounds at their children's schools, even celebrity gossip. But no one seems to care that there is no passion. No one cares that we live lifestyles of apathy to the world's needs. Death is merely a far off inevitability. We do everything in our power to prolong our dreaming lives. We live in security, taking no real risks for the good of our souls. We press snooze: "Yes, I should stop watching this TV show because it makes a mockery of everything I believe in, but I want to see what happens in the next episode...and the next episode...and the next season..." "Yes, I should get out of this unhealthy relationship, but then I'll be alone..."

The Church is even at a standstill, full of complacent people who "don't need God" because they have everything necessary for a comfortable life. Church has become an obligation, rather than a passion. Last weekend, I went to a Matt Maher/Tenth Avenue North concert, shortly after finishing Francis Chan's book Crazy Love. I found more passion and heard more truth at that concert and in that book than I have in years at my home parish. They spoke of faith in a positive way. We shouldn't do things to avoid hell or to achieve heaven, but because we want to out of love for God. The tiny flicker in my heart began burning brighter.

Life is short, and I don't want to spend what I have left of it wasting away on Facebook or withering away in front of the TV. I want everything I do to be for the glory of God. I want to live a life of crazy love. I cannot be complacent knowing that women my age and younger are being sold into prostitution. I cannot be complacent knowing that 4,000 babies are murdered in the U.S. daily. I cannot be complacent knowing that God died for me so that I can be saved from the sinful life I have been leading: “If we come to the point of comprehending that we are loved to a supreme, unimaginable degree, unto silent, gratuitous, cruel death, to the point of total immolation by Him whom we do not even know, or if we have known Him, whom we have denied and offended; if we come to the point of comprehending that we are the objects of such a love, of so great a love, we cannot remain complacent…” I Believe in Love.