Grace Period

This post-grad life is exciting, not knowing what is ahead. I love being able to live life one day at a time, which is something that I have to do to avoid being overcome by the overwhelming stress of it all. But some days, as on days when my parents like to sit me down and explain to me the necessity of earning a living, the stress and fear of figuring out my future is all too real and too discouraging. They remind me that there will soon be rent to pay, a car to buy, insurance, and that most dreadful of all four-letter words: loan(s). The only thought that keeps me going is that, while the loan grace period is only six months (a terrifying thought in this unstable economy), God's grace period is forever, timeless.

Every time I begin to feel discouraged about my vocation as a Catholic writer, God reminds me (in His perfect timing!) how important this mission is for me. This week, after a painful discussion with my dad about my job-search, I received the first issue of a writer's magazine subscription that my aunt gave me for graduation. The first article I read was titled "Face the Fear." Everything about the article was perfect. The writer eased my fears and reminded me that while writing is not in high-demand these days, it is perhaps more important now than ever:

"Writers can be disheartened into silence. If we buy into the myth of our own irrelevance--if we let the notion that our art is a private and rather self-absorbed matter make us so insular that we actually believe the whole point is getting the right kind of critical attention and sales numbers--then it will be that much easier to give up at the first sign of a bad review. We need to keep going for a more robust reason. We need to keep going because the work we do matters." (Rachel Kadish, Poets & Writers, Sept/Oct 2010)

The timing of this article was so perfect that it could have only been God reminding me that He gave me this passion for the pen, and He has a plan for me to use it for His will. He won't leave me disheartened in the dust. His grace is sufficient!

With this renewed passion, I began to look at my situation from a different perspective--that of love. I realize that I easily get into that moody, brooding, self-absorbed artist mode when life gets in the way of my writing. This is when I have to remind myself that I do not write for me--I write for God. And above my vocation for writing, I have chosen the vocation of Love, which encompasses all vocations. Without Love, I have nothing but myself in all my miserable impurities. But with Love, I have everything. As long as I put Love first, God will use me as His pen when and where He needs me.

My new favorite song (and prayer) is Matt Maher's song "Letting Go:"

I stand in awe of You

And everything You've done for me

You speak Your words into my life

And where You are is where I want to be...

I'm holding onto Your love

I'm letting go of myself

I'll say so long to everything else

I just want to be in Your arms.

Moving ever closer to Your heart.