Love Is A Verb

Two weeks ago, I decided that my addiction to coffee was out of control. I had begun drinking it like water, and I no longer enjoyed it. That and my tight grocery budget no longer had room to accommodate it. Because of these and several other reasons, I quit. I decided that I could offer it up for several prayer intentions. I have never been good at fasting, so I figured this might make up for all the times I failed at it in the past.

For the first few days, I felt okay, though not very lively. At random times during the day, I craved coffee out of boredom, or I felt I needed it even when there was no physical pain. It was like I was saying goodbye to an old friend. It was sad. The third day the headaches began. I attempted to appease the pain with ibuprofen, decaf coffee, and other forms of caffeine. Nothing was quite the same. I was not quite the same.

The days seemed longer. I took more naps. I tried to exercise, but I had little motivation. In fact, I had little motivation to do anything. On top of the lethargy, I missed my friends who had graduated and left me. I found that, while I am a very shy person, I had become more so. I was stuck even further inside of myself, unable to come out of my shell and love as I should. I began to wonder how anyone can survive without coffee. Is it possible? I wondered if being dependent on coffee is all that bad. Certainly if it helps me overcome obstacles like social awkwardness it can't be all that bad... And maybe it's not. I don't know all the health facts. All I know is that for me, I was sick of it, so why should I keep drinking it?

It has now been two weeks since I made my decision. I celebrated today by having a cup (half decaf!). It was pleasant sitting with my old friend. I had missed it. I've been trying to figure out how God wants me to love through my shyness and without this stimulant. The energy from today's celebratory cup of love sent a shock through my veins. It inspired me further to learn how to love without being prompted by a drug. In two weeks, I can have another cup of coffee, but I will no longer be at Franciscan. I need to stop waiting it out and start living it up.

Love is a verb!--that means hugs, not drugs!

He Listens.

In the past year, I have lived in four different homes, all within the same town. This instability taught me that where I am does not matter nearly as much as who I am. Because I struggle with shyness, I often have trouble being myself in uncomfortable settings and situations. But settings change, characters come and go. What remains the same is who we are.

Of course, the concept of who we are is something of an enigma, especially during the constant instability and growth that we experience in four years of college. We slip, we fall, we make mistakes and forget who we are meant to be. These experiences strengthen us and change us, but at the center of it all, we remain masterpiece's of the Father's creation. Even when sin disfigures us, He transforms us in the flames of His mercy. He has given each of us a life and a unique voice. It is up to us, by His grace, to discover that voice and make it heard for His greater glory. He always hears us, even when no one else is listening!