It was this time last year that I was cold inside and out. Memories cracked my icy heart, rather than warmed them. It was the most real pain I had ever felt. Though I was getting on with life and slowly healing, I was sad, and a little bitter in the heartache that came from losing a friend. I wanted to get out of Ohio. I wanted to be finished with school so that I could move somewhere warm and make new friends and be constantly showered with sunshine. I was tired of the constantly changing seasons. There's a saying in Ohio that if you don't like the weather, wait two days and it will change. I was tired of change. I wanted a constant warmth, a constant sunshine even in the coldest times. I told my mom how anxious I was to get out of Ohio and she said, "People who live in places without seasons don't live in reality."
I realize the wisdom in her words now. When fall kills off the beauty and warmth we enjoyed in the summer, the winter winds sweep in clean, white snow to purify the ugliness. That way, when spring comes, the life that blooms and the sun that shines are even more appreciated. The same goes for the seasons of the heart. Though a summer love may burn within us, the autumn winds often carry it away. God then covers our hearts with a cold, pure snow, cleansing the wound. From that wound springs new life. Then comes summer, and autumn, and that biting winter wind....
I am still coming to terms with the reality that most things will always be constantly changing, especially in Ohio. But the two things that I know will never change or even waver are God's love and the love of my family. Even though I don't deserve it, and I act like a grinch sometimes (or lately, most of the time!) they will always love me. It's my Advent resolution to let the Light of Christ come warm and melt my heart, and to let the wacky sunshine of my family's love color my life, no matter what season it is.
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