I thirst.

As my thesis consumes my life, I find myself able only to think of vampire jokes (I'm writing a Catholic woman's perspective on the Twilight series by Stephenie Meyer). I am going a little bit crazy inside this fantasy world, and I cannot wait to turn the paper in and escape back into reality!

Here is the irony of my life: I have been struggling to find a good intro, something from which the rest of my paper may flow. I am focusing on dreams and realities, and how the ultimate dream is to have eternal life, happily ever after with the One True Love. For a week I have been struggling to put my 20 pages of notes into coherent order. Today, I sat looking at a crucifix, telling God to speak through me. That's when I heard Jesus' last words whisper in my heart: "I thirst."

Duh.

I remembered a story I began to write in high school. It was a story based on my life, but I intended to make it more interesting. But it was the story of a girl seeking truth and love. I entitled it: "I Thirst: The story of a dry-cleaner's daughter." Of course, I thought the title was hilariously ironic because of its profound truth in my life. And suddenly, remembering that desire for truth and love at the age of seventeen made everything click together for me.

It makes sense: vampires thirst for blood, girls thirst for love, Jesus thirsts for us. Anyway, I have about 25 pages to write concerning all of this thirstiness. I just thought I'd share the revelation, as a little something to reflect on.

Love, love, love.

Happily Ever After

These past few weeks have been crazy-busy with spring break and household retreat with the Little Flowers, as well as beginning to focus more on my thesis (due in one month...). Even in the craziness, God has been working steadily in my heart, continuing to transform it from a girl's to that of a woman.

While researching for my thesis (I'm writing a Catholic's guide to the Twilight series, weeding out both the positive and negative aspects as they apply to teenage girls), I stumbled on an excellent article by Laura Miller ("Touched by a vampire"). She writes: "Some things, it seems, are even harder to kill than vampires. The traditional feminine fantasy of being delivered from obscurity by a dazzling, powerful man, of needing to do no more to prove or find yourself than win his devotion, of being guarded from all life's vicissitudes by his boundless strength and wealth--all this turns out to be a difficult dream to leave behind."

Indeed, it is difficult to leave such a dream behind. I used to wonder if it were even necessary. Yes, I understood that my life would not end like a Jane Austen novel. But I still let myself become consumed with romantic ideals found in novels, songs, and movies. It was all I dreamed of--to sit still and wait until a man came who loved me and would vow to love me forever. Like I mentioned in previous posts, I let myself practically drown in this dream, projecting these romantic ideals into situations where they did not belong. It was like I was living in "snooze" mode in a feeble attempt to catch another small glimpse of my dream. I refused to wake up and begin the rest of my life. But, as on spring break when our alarm every morning (thanks to my lovely household sister) was, Enrique Iglesias whispering, "I can be your hero...," God finally woke me up from my fantasy world by reminding me, "You are mine, first and forever." He showed me that I could have something far greater than a romance like Pride and Prejudice: a divine romance. Jesus wants to be the hero of your heart!

Heaven should be our ultimate goal, because only with God can we be completely satisfied. On earth, we will always encounter some sort of sorrow or heartache. This is why, God showed me, it is important to let go of earthly desires. When we seek only Him, He shares with us the most beautiful romance, because only in heaven will we find happily ever after....

*song of the day: "Divine Romance," Phil Wickham